A youth's journey to find God

---By Ellena Jin, 2021/05/09

Greetings brothers and sisters! I am Ellena, a grade 11 student (secondaire 5), and I participate in Lord's Day meetings with the church in Edmonton and the English/French speaking saints in Montreal.

Being a young saint who doesn't have companions my age, as well as being isolated in a growing church, my experiences with the Lord were limited. Indeed, the young ones have different experiences with Him, and honestly, the hardest part is to build trust with an invisible God and remain faithful in a world dominated by inspiring quotes about self empowerment and distractions from social media.

Therefore, sometimes, I would honestly question the existence of God. I believed I could achieve everything by myself, as long as I work hard or by luck. I remember once, I was stuck when doing my course selections. I was muddled, and I remember my parents saying, "ask the Lord to help you!" At the time, I knew that I should do it, but all the stress and anxiety culminated in a strong "no." I wanted an answer quickly, and I definitely did not have the patience to wait.

Then, with this pandemic, my schedule was messed up again. However, this time, I got calls and messages from Lucy and Diane, asking for how I was doing and such. These small gestures just took me out of all the impatience, irritation and annoyance I had. They gave me comfort and support, just like all the prayers I have received. For example, I was very occupied trying to find a solution to my problem. Lucy texted me, and we started talking. Not only did she give me a lot of suggestions (what classes could be useful for universities for example), but also shared her experiences with God. How the Lord worked concretely. I've never heard of anything like that before, and I was so inspired to turn to Him! Diane and I also prayed on multiple occasions, so I consider them like my companions in the church life. Thanks to them, I also participate in the Thursday prayer meetings and YP service team.

This leads me to my verse from Ruth where Naomi says "call me Mara." Through the fruitful class, Brother Antipas explained that Mara means "bitter." Just like Naomi, I knew I had God, I knew of His existence. However, I chose to stay in Moab, a land of famine without the Lord, consumed by anger and resentment. Why did that problem only happen to me? Only when I came back to Bethlehem, the house of bread, did I realize how emaciated I had become. When leaving the church, it isn't just the grace and abundance of God that we miss; it is also the love and acceptance He has to offer through the saints, but also humanly, the support and comfort needed when going through tough situations. After hearing all the care the saints had for me and after seeing their faith in God, I was so inspired, but so regretful at the same time because of my stubbornness, because I thought I could do everything myself. When I could let go of this pride, that is when I realized that having the Lord operate instead of me is a privilege and relief in itself.

Therefore, like Ruth, I want to cling to Naomi. I want to cherish and embrace all the abundance God can offer. I want to follow all the saints, all the sisters and grow in the Lord, where their God also becomes my God. It is so wonderful to be able to share and harvest all together, and have one another when we become weak.